I'm not one for spreading my dirty laundry of feelings on the internet, but i just need to get some things off my chest before they break my ribs. The past couple of months have been no joke, rough. I feel like I am sick of my complaining. Recently there is nothing to be happy about. I don't want to bring anyone down so I'm (mostly) holding it in. I am becoming more fed up with people and haven't done anything worth happiness in a long while.
Rocky is it's own beast. I am having such a wonderful time doing new things with this show. I have never had an experience like this, and I am so incredibly thankful for the opportunity to do it. Harder than I thought going to five days a week rehearsal, to a full week of show, then only three days. My busy schedule is just now catching up to me. Blessed to have thirty hour work weeks when some have none, but that and the show- YIKES-A-BEE! It's difficult to work out everything you need to finish and still stay a sane person.
The weeks have also been hard because I haven't had one of my best friends there to help me. I'm tired of being stuck in a box. Being the person that everyone else wants me to be. WHY must we change to be what others want us to be? Why can't I just be me?
It is so hard to realize what people truly think of you. I feel like a lot of people that I have met in this last year, have an idea of me but don't truly know who I am. This isn't a pity party on me, by no means. I know that most of these problems are my own. I need to have something in my life that is exciting and happy. I am so confused and heartbroken. Why is it so difficult to be myself in front of people I want to show most? Because they will judge me? Why should I bother with people who will judge me anyways?
I feel like a 23 year girl that is lost in LIMBO, L.A. I need you Chico just isn't cutting it these days.
